How to Lose an IT Client in 10 Days (or Less)
There are so many ways to ruin your relationship with a new IT client without meaning it… Here is a how you can do it in 10 days.
Let’s admit that clients are sensitive creatures. They need to be handled with extra care and caution. Once you got the client, there are so many ways in which things can go wrong and so many ways in which you can lose an IT client without meaning it.
We have compiled a list of 10 things you can do to lose an IT client in 10 days (even though, if we are honest you probably do not need that many).
Day 1. Call them (a lot)
It can be the most controversial point of them all, but if you want to never see your IT client again, ask a lot of questions. You might think, ‘Wait, is not what I should have been doing anyway?’ Well, the answer is yes and no.
Yes, you should understand your clients’ project as well as you possibly can. No, you should not annoy them to death (or in our case — should — if that is what you are going for). The best way to go about it is to study your client’s product ahead of time on your own, collect questions, and ask them all in one seating. That way you will not only get a better idea of what the company is like but also save your and their time.
Asking them one trivial question at a time is not going to do any good. So, if that is what you are looking for, then do that. Call your client in the middle of the night, and ask them what their phone number is. They will, without a doubt, appreciate it.
Day 2. Take ownership over their product
If you want to lose your IT client, then do whatever you want. Take the project in a completely another direction. Never consider the guidelines they provided. Never give a rational explanation for the changes you have made.
If they do not like the result, get angry and complain that they do not get your vision. At the end of the day, they are the ones who have no idea what they want and know nothing about (insert the name of the field you are working in). When they start making suggestions, call them stupid (for a quicker effect, do it out loud), and implement them only after protesting.
Day 3. Do what a developer does
Come up with a solution that looks and sounds cool, but has no practical usage. Do not communicate with your IT client under any circumstances. When the client starts demanding explanations write sentences the total word count of which never exceeds 10. God forbid they think you like people (and enjoy having productive conversations). They might actually give you another chance and even recommend your services to other people.
More work? Nobody wants that.
Day 4. Never show your expertise
Do not show that you know how to handle a problem. When something unexpected happens just blame your client. Never share your knowledge and communicate your opinions if you know you will not manage to include it in the bill. You are not a charity organization after all.
Never proofread, and pre-test what you have created. At the end of the day, it is always fun to have your client point out your mistake. And when they do… Take it to heart and get offended. This will get one step closer to losing that IT client forever.
Day 5. Be rude
People like working with nice and polite people. So, if you do not want your client to find you then, please, be rude and inconsiderate. Have they asked to reschedule a meeting? Do not let them. If they ask a question the answer to which seems obvious to you, just laugh at their face, and make them feel silly. You know, all the regular pleasantries.
Day 6. Have no idea what other developers are doing
There is a high chance that if you work in the industry, then you have already gone through college and pushed through countless all-nighters. In other words, you definitely have suffered enough, and do not want to spend your time researching and studying ever again… So if you want to push your client away, just do not.
Never follow the trends and definitely think you are better than all the over developers. Do feel like you can either never achieve what other professionals have or do not even need to. Do it the way you learned at school over and over again, and get salty when the client wants something different. Eventually, they will probably end up going to a professional that does what they wanted from you.
Day 7. Be messy and disorganized
If you have done all the things mentioned above and the client is still around, then you are very unfortunate to have encountered a rare breed of an exceptionally faithful person. At this point, you have only three more days to go. Speed up and prove them wrong until it is not too late!
Have no idea where any of the files you are working on are located. Lose and mess up the documents all the time. Never develop a system that will help both of you track the progress. Ask your client to send the same information over and over again. Be late to meetings and Skype calls. Disappear for several days, and send them files that look more like puzzles they need to solve.
Day 8. Be a snob
Prioritize how the project is going to look in your portfolio over making a product that your IT client wants. Make sure your website looks cool, and your business card is on point. Talk about the projects you have already completed all the time, and intentionally throw around terms that your client will never understand. Let them think for a moment that you actually have your stuff together.
Day 9. Push for deals all the time
Sell, sell, and once again sell all the time. Sell them your products, and services even when they do not ask for them and want something different. Think of everything in terms of profit and money making. Everyone hates being used, and so will your IT clients. Do not forget to charge millions too, and give ridiculous explanations. They will certainly never come back.
Day 10. Leave everything to the last day
Last, but not least – treat deadlines like friendly suggestions all the time. Miss them, apologize, and promise to do better next time only to miss the deadline again. Do a clumsy work just a couple of hours before the deadline, and complain they did not give you enough time to work on the thing. This is 100% going to drive your IT clients crazy.
Congratulations! You’ve lost your IT client!
And don’t worry. If you have done exactly like it was written, there is not even the slightest chance for a happy ending. They are never coming back.
Now, jokes aside … Of course, we are all human and making mistakes is normal. But if your goal is to keep clients instead of scaring them away, you should stop repeating those mistakes over and over again.
Even though it often feels like the only thing a client wants is torture you, that is not true. It is just as desirable for them to find professionals that do their job well and stick with them till the end, as it is for you. You do not need to be perfect. If you already have a client that you enjoy working with, being professional and considering is just what it takes to keep them.
At Digitec we do none of the things mentioned above. Our team of web and mobile developers consists of professionals that know what they are doing and treat all the clients with the respect they deserve. We want people we work with to continue choosing us, and that is why we make sure to listen to our clients’ suggestions, communicate properly, and be transparent about the work we do. To learn more about the services we offer contact our team or look through the projects we have already completed in our portfolio.